Fight Your Own Battles Before Trying To Take On Someone Else's

How many times have you had people tell you that if someone is giving you a problem to let them know and they'll take care of it? It seems to me that there are those out there who have nothing better to do than stick their nose in other's business and stir up drama. Sadly, I have encountered those who have told me before that if people give me problems on here to send them their way and they'll put in their two cents and take care of it. My reaction is that to me that's an insult and putting me down. In my mind, when someone says that to me, they are saying in a round about way that I am not strong enough to handle things in my own life and fight my own battles. As a survivor who has been through so much all ready, I am not this weak person who doesn't know how to defend myself against those who try to bring me down. Yet, there are those out there, shockingly enough other survivors, who want to take on my battles for me.

Now, I am not saying that friends shouldn't be there for one another and support each other as they fight side by side in life. There's a difference though between fighting side by side with a fellow survivor and fighting their battles for them. A person cannot grow stronger or discover the true strength that lies within them if they have someone else always taking up for them and fighting their battles so they don't have to do it. If I was to send the people who are against me to those who want to fight my battles for me, I wouldn't know how to defend myself or stand up for myself. I would be taking the easy way out and running away from confrontation and challenges which is something I refuse to do. When you give your battles to someone else to let them fight them, you don't learn how to stand on your own two feet and defend yourself. The reputation you'll get is one of being someone who runs away from everything. Nothing gets resolved in life if we run away from the challenges we meet. To win those battles in life, you can't have someone fight them for you. You have to face them and fight them yourself. There's nothing wrong with having someone fighting by your side, but you need to be the one in control of fighting your own battles.

In the same way, people don't need to go jumping on someone else's bandwagon, thinking that the person can't handle those challenges in their lives. I know that it is in us survivors to help others out to make sure they don't go through what we did. Because we are compassionate, caring people who have a desire to save those lost souls out there that are trapped in darkness, we have that fighter mentality to us; we have that protective side to us that just wants to shelter them from harm and chase away those haunting memories and nightmares. It's natural for us to be this way after everything we have had to suffer and endure in our own lives. Yes, we do have this tendency to want to take on another person's battles and fight those battles for them because we never had anyone there to fight with us when we were living alone in silence. Since we had to fight on our own without any help, we look around us and we see or hear how other fellow survivors are being treated by others and our first reaction is to run to their defense. However, before we can try to help anyone else, we need to fight our own battles first. We need to make sure we resolve issues in our own lives before trying to just butt in and take over someone else's life. Don't take over someone else's life when you have your own issues to take care of and your own healing to do first.

So many times, people want to put their two cents in when it's not wanted or needed. They don't really look at the situation first and don't think through what someone else is saying when sharing their story. They just begin assuming that oh, I'm going through the same thing so I'm going to go ahead and tell them what I think they should do. First of all, no you are not going through the exact same thing and you do not know what they are really going through because you are not living their life or walking the exact same path they are. We go through similar situations and experiences in life, but we never go through the exact same things in life because we are all different and we all have different backgrounds. Don't tell someone else how to live their life when yours isn't where you want it to be yet. Work on your life first and overcoming the obstacles that you face before you even try to give advice or really help someone else out. You cannot really help someone else out until you confront your own issues and fight your own battles. How can you expect to sit there and tell someone else what to do when they can look at your life, see where you're at, and see that you have not taken care of your own self first? People can see right through others. No one wants to follow a leader or take advice from someone who doesn't have their own life in order. No one wants to listen to someone who gloats about their achievements and comes across as arrogant. The type of leader that people look to are the ones who are down to earth, can relate to them and are on their level and don't act superior. They want someone who doesn't always have to talk about what they have done or are doing but proves that they can make a change by taking the action to make things happen.

I happen to be in the writing field and one of the things that I notice a lot is that when someone writes a book, they want to brag about it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be proud of writing your story out there for others to read because trust me, that is no easy thing to do. It takes a lot of courage to sit down and write your story out. The thing is that everyone these days is writing a book. Excuse me for being blunt, but what is the point in sitting there bragging about how great your book is and having your story out there when others are working on their own stories to help others out? Is this a competition because if it is, you are not writing your story for the right reason. Just like I have seen organizations out there that act like they are doing everything and no one else is doing anything to help others. Well, I can think of countless organizations out there who are helping others that you don't even hear about but they are working behind the scenes to make a change. The ones that have to act like they are the only ones are the ones who are not in this for the right reasons. Don't act like you are the only one making a difference and doing it all when there are others out there fighting for the same causes and sacrificing to save others. I have news for you, you are not the only one who wants to see change in this world. You are not the only one who wants to help others. People wonder why nothing gets resolved or taken care of? Well, when everyone else is out for themselves, copying off and stealing ideas from one another, and thinking only about what they can get out of it, then nothing ever happens to help those in need.

We want to help others but yet we can't even focus on our lives first and get where we need to be. If you can't take the steps to heal from your own scars, how are you going to be effective in helping others heal from their wounds? I'm sure we all know of people or can think of people who act as if they have been through everything when in fact, no one has been through everything in life. You know, those who think they are the only ones who have been through abuse and think they have all the answers as well as the insight to tell other victims and survivors how to live. "I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor" is a quote that is used a lot. Okay, so you're not a victim and yes you have survived trauma in your life, but the question is, now that you are a survivor, what are you doing to take the steps necessary to heal from the past? What are you doing to take care of yourself and get where you want to be? We get caught up on wanting to do this or do that when we see others doing things to help others but sometimes we have to step back and think about what we are really ready to take on. I have been guilty before of taking on things that I just wasn't ready for. There's nothing wrong with taking a step back and taking a break to get things done in your own life. You see, people have this idea that it's about who has the biggest name or who does the most work or who has the most followers. That is not what this is all about. It's about who's heart is in the right place, who's doing it for the right reasons, who is at a place in their own lives where they can be effective in reaching out because they've allowed themselves to really heal. There are no points in making a difference. Honestly, I am the type that I don't care what someone has achieved in their life or which organizations have big names sponsoring them because that's not what I look for. I want to know that the person or organization has depth to them and that they are real and not expecting anything in return because they give out of the goodness of their heart. I'm more likely to help people and organizations out who are humble, down to earth, and real then the ones who just have this "look at me, look what I'm doing" attitude.

People wonder why I don't talk about the writing I do or mention the books I have out? It's because I choose passion over glory. I choose to write to help others and because I love it. I'm not out to profit from helping others. The real reward for me comes from knowing I've had a small part to play in making a difference in someone else's life. Imagine knowing and seeing how you have helped someone get back on the right track and how you've helped them overcome things they were facing. Imagine knowing that you didn't have to put yourself out there for others to notice your work but imagine people finding your work on their own and being touched by it without you going out there and telling them, oh this is what I did and I've done this and that. If you have to promote your work to the extent that you come across as forcing or pressuring someone to read it, you're not going to have much luck with reaching others. But if they discover your work and get interested in it on their own, then they are going to be more touched by what you are doing without you even having to say a word about it. To me that's what inspires and motivates me even more to continue to write because I don't feel that it's a competition. I know I'm not the only author out there and I also know there are better writers out there than me as well as writers out there who are up and coming that are very talented. The thing is that when we all work together, when we maintain a humble attitude, we get more accomplished together than we do on our own.

Don't be the type of person that has to have glory to be motivated to continue on. Yes, praise and compliments are nice to hear. However, don't lose sight on the true meaning of life and what it means to really help someone out there. Be more concerned about saving someone to ensure they don't have to live a life of abuse than worrying about how much praise you get for the work you do. Before you do all this though, before you get out there and take on helping others, make sure that you have arrived at a point in your own journey where you know you are ready to fight alongside someone else. It does no good to try to take something on when in your own life, you haven't fully recovered from certain things yet. As survivors, we are always going to be healing because well, the healing process never actually stops. There are, however, different healing stages in which we arrive at along the way. Make sure you are at a stage in which you know without a shadow of a doubt you can be effective when it comes to making a difference and helping someone fight their battles. Helping them fight their battles, not fighting the battles for them. It's one thing to help someone and it's another to take over their life and try to gain control.

I know that it's not always easy to get help for what we've been through. I know that sometimes when we do try to reach out for help, we don't get it. That doesn't mean though that help is impossible and that we won't ever get help. I believe that if we keep an open mind and allow ourselves to heal, that we can find the help we need. Yes, there are times that we have to do things to help ourselves get to where we want to be to start healing and we can't always rely on someone to be there for us, but there's no shame in going to someone and telling them you need help. If they don't do anything for you and don't listen to you, then that's on them, at least you know you tried. Don't give up, though and also don't tell other survivors and victims who are healing that help will never be found and that it's impossible because you only discourage them and make it where they won't ever want to talk about what they've gone through. If they hear that there's no help to be found, they will start losing hope and faith in life and when someone loses hope and faith in life, then they begin to give up all together. So encourage other survivors and victims by sharing your story to show them that they can make it through and have a chance at a life free from abuse. Show them that it is possible to rise above the ashes of the past and to rebuild their life. Sometimes, we will have to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves because yes, there are those who aren't able to fight for themselves such as innocent children who are being abused. We need to be the voice for those who are not ready to speak out or cannot speak out yet. When it comes to survivors, though, who are working on healing and are away from the abusive situation, do not fight their battles for them. Fight with them but don't take away their right to fight for themselves and stand up for themselves.