Every Form Of Abuse Has Its Own Damaging Affects

Tonight I came across a post in a group about mental abuse. According to a few people, they believe mental abuse is the worst form of abuse there is. One man's reason was that bruises heal and go away, but a put down stays with you forever. I have to say that I believe you can't compare forms of abuse and claim that one is worse then the other. All forms of abuse are damaging and very bad. For people to say that mental abuse is the worst form is like comparing apples with oranges. Mental abuse is very damaging. I went through mental abuse from my father growing up. To this day, I suffer from a low self-esteem because of all the mean, spiteful things he said to me during my childhood years. Words can be used as weapons and can wreck a person's self-esteem. However, as bad as mental abuse is, I don't think that it is the worst form of abuse.

There are different forms of abuse-emotional, mental, psychological, physical, and sexual to name a few. To compare them though and say that mental is the worst is not right. Any type of abuse is going to leave a person hurting emotionally and/or physically. Bruises go away and heal but the damage left from any of these forms of abuse don't go away. You always bear those scars although if you allow it, time can heal them and they can fade away. Anyone who has gone through one of these types of abuse knows how much it can hurt. You don't forget what happened to you. It stays with you forever. I didn't appreciate what that man said about well bruises heal and go away but a put down stays with you forever. Ok, memories of abuse stay with you forever. You may never go through mental abuse in your life, but if you went through another type of abuse, then you still remember the events in your mind. Why do people want to compare things that can't be compared? You cannot compare situations you have been through with other situations that someone else has been through. You can't do that because people handle things differently. Some people can overcome mental abuse and break away from it. Other people remember every mean word said to them and have a difficult time moving on and letting it go and not believing what was said to them. I am one of those people that has a tough time blocking out mean things my father said to me. I think though that if I had not gone through mental abuse, I would still hurt from the physical abuse I went through.


When people want to tell others to move on and get over it or try to compare stories or say that one form of abuse is worst then another, it kind of makes me upset. We all handle things differently and every one of us has gone through different experiences in life. You cannot sit there and tell me that someone who has gone through mental abuse hurts more then someone who has gone through physical abuse. Who cares if bruises go away? The fact is that memories from events hurt a hundred times worse then mean words said to a person. I am not saying that words don't hurt. It hurt when my parents said I was retarded, mental, warped, and would tell me I wasn't wanted and was a mistake. I remember all that stuff as if it happened yesterday. But when you go through something traumatic, you never forget it. I don't know why people want to say mental abuse is the worst. People that go through sexual assault and rape hurt just as much if not more then someone who has only had mean things said to them. My friend Alice who is a rape survivor had an extremely tough time handling it. I was there for her and was the first person she told about it. Now, I've never had that happen to me, but I wouldn't say that the physical abuse I went through as a child was worse then what she went through as a kid since it happened when she was a kid. She didn't go through mental abuse, but she still hurt and still had the scars from what happened to her. Yea, wounds heal but scars dont go away, emotional or physical.

When will people realize that all forms of abuse are damaging? Abuse affects people in different ways. For example, I have flashbacks and anxiety attacks from the abuse I went through and things I saw as a child. My husband grew up in an abusive home as well and saw his parents fight all the time. Yet, he is the type who can just shake it off and not let it get to him but just move on, not looking back. I wish I was like him in that way. I wish I could say that it doesn't affect me still but it does. I guess what made me upset about the post in the group was that the person who started it has not gone through physical abuse but only mental abuse from what I could tell by what the person wrote. A few who responded to it were the same way. They didn't go through any of the other types of abuse, only mental. Then how can they say that mental is the worst when they haven't experienced any of the other types? I think people like to act like they know everything and act like they are experts on this when they aren't. I haven't been through sexual abuse but I wouldn't tell a sexual abuse survivor that physical abuse that I went through is worse then what they went through. If you haven't experienced something, then you cannot say it is worse then something else. That is what makes me angry. Don't sit there and compare something when the thing you are comparing it to you haven't gone through. As I said before, all abuse is harmful and damaging from physical abuse to domestic violence. I respect most people's opinions on things but when they haven't gone through something and say that something is worse then something they haven't even gone through, then I don't really respect the opinion.


I know that to people who have gone through traumatic situations, their situation seems like it's worse then anyone else's. I think it is human nature to think that what you have gone through is worse then what someone else has gone through. When we go through something traumatic, we are only focused on what we are going through at the time. So yes, we only see what we are enduring and are blind to what others have gone through. I use to think that my physical abuse that I went through as a child was worse then what others had suffered. But the more I have talked to other survivors out there, the more I realize that others have endured far worse then what I have. That's why I say that people can't compare stories and cannot say that what they went through is worse. Every abuse case is tragic to me. It makes me sad to know that abuse takes place on a daily basis and kids are silent about it because they are afraid of what will happen to them if they go to someone and tell them what is going on. I sometimes think that people don't realize just how many kids, women, and men are affected by abuse every single day. Abuse is a very common thing. But when people want to downplay abuse and compare forms of abuse, that is where I have to draw the line and put my foot down. Everyone who has gone through abuse, no matter what type it was, can tell you that they have emotional scars if not physical scars from it and that the memories are with them all the time. They will tell you how damaging the affects are. Domestic abuse survivors feel differently then say sexual assault survivors. You can't compare domestic violence to sexual assault because they are both different and both have their own damaging affects. All forms of abuse cause a little bit of mental damage don't they since the memories stay in your mind and can cause severe flashbacks and anxiety attacks and the events replay themselves in your mind? In a way all forms of abuse do involve mental abuse because of mean words said and I think that words sometimes start the abuse if that makes sense. For instance, every time my father abused my mother, it always was a result of a fight. They would start fighting and say mean things to each other and the next thing I knew, my father was abusing my mother again. So in a way, it's mean words said to one another that can start abuse. I know that I lose my temper and get angry alot when I think about the abuse I went through and have flashbacks. Then I will take my anger out on my husband and vent to him. In the past, it has caused us to fight with each other.

Still, I don't think you can compare forms of abuse since they are all different and all affect people in different ways. The one thing that all forms of abuse have in common though is the damaging affects and scars it leaves behind on its victims. I guess I wish people would stop comparing their stories and forms of abuse and focus more on sharing their stories to help stop abuse and prevent other innocent lives from having to go through it. We should focus more on speaking out to save lives from abuse then comparing stories and thinking that what we went through is worse then what others have been through and are going through. If we would stop doing that, then we could truly devote our time to saving lives from abuse and helping others to heal who have survived abuse.