Being A Survivor Is Not A Fad Or Trend

If it's one thing that bothers me when it comes to organizations and people wanting to help survivors and victims of abuse, it's when they try to turn it into some sort of trend or fad as they attempt to glamorize the lifestyle of a survivor. Many times I have come across those who claim to be helping but in reality, they just want to stick their name on everything to look good and become popular as they hope to draw fans in and attempt to establish their own following of people. But this is not how the life of a survivor should be portrayed because when our lives are made to look as if it's all easy now that the abuse is over, the true life of a survivor here is being betrayed and falsely depicted. It leads people to believe that once they are out of their abusive situations, everything gets so much easier because supposedly the worst part is over for good. We survivors, though, know that although we are not being abused anymore, the pain still lingers on and with it brings many challenges we must face daily. In fact, the life of a survivor is not all fun and games. It is anything but easy. If anything, we have our work cut out for us as survivors.


There is nothing wrong with saying that we are a Survivor. The term itself is a title that we should bear with honor, dignity, and pride instead of being ashamed of who we are and where we come from. The problem, however, exists when people take that title a little too far and use it to profit from helping other victims and survivors out there. Not everyone who claims they are helping are doing it for the right reasons. There are those who thrive on being the center of attention as they try to make being a survivor into some latest trend in society. Since when did being a survivor of abuse develop into a trend? If it is one, then it is a fad I don't wish anyone to want to become, knowing what we survivors have endured and suffered in our own lives. It is a fad I choose not to be part of because well, our lifestyles should never be up for profit or displayed in such a way that it does not reveal the truth and show what life is really like for us long after we have escaped from our abusive situations. Why then do people want to start these cliques and groups that exclude everyone else, those who are not survivors of abuse? We don't like it when we are judged and banned by those who don't understand what we have gone through so then why do we treat them the same way and not try to see what they have been through and survived in their own lives? Just because someone has not suffered what we have does not mean they are any less of a person and have not gone through their own tragedies in their personal life.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't be proud of who we are as survivors. I believe that it is important to speak out and share our stories. But when the truth is stretched and glamorized in such a way that others don't see the real picture, then the truth is not serving any purpose nor is it even giving victims and survivors any sense of justice whatsoever. Organizations, in my mind, are there to help and reach out. They are not there to just take all the glory and credit because that is not what it means to make a difference in the life of someone else. The real purpose for reaching out and helping is to save those who are still trapped from going through what we went through in our own lives. If the life of a survivor is glamorized and made out to be something it isn't, than how can we expect people to ever fully understand where we have been and know what our stories are truly about? When we sugarcoat things then we are no better than society who is all ready sugarcoating the truth and hiding what takes place behind closed doors. This is why ignorance is a dangerous disease that continues to spread. People keep making things seem to be better than what they are and that is not reality. It's the same as when people sit there and say life is hard compared to what? Those who say that must not know what it is like to be a survivor. For if they did, they would know how challenging life is and how it is anything but easy. They need to step out of their comfort zones and open their eyes to reality. Reality is that every single day we survivors have to fight to keep on surviving. Anyone who claims differently is living in their own dream world and they need to snap out of it and look around them at the people passing them by. Ignorance is a disease that cannot be cured unless the person chooses to see the truth for what it really is.

I don't believe in changing things around to make them look good in the public eye and neither do I believe in saying what people want to hear. How will people ever learn anything if we only say that we think they want to hear and suck up to them in order to be accepted? Never trade your passion for glory because the moment you lose sight of who you are, you forget the true meaning of life and what it's about. You may think that the fame and glory that go along with the spotlight is wonderful but it is only temporary. There's always someone else coming up behind you to steal that spotlight away and once people get tired of hearing your name, they are quick to trade you in as they get bored of you and find someone new and fresh to follow after. That's just the way it goes. We survivors are supposed to be out there fighting for the rights of others and not be concerned with how much work others are doing. I recently had someone write me and tell me that I should have other survivor stories on my page because other survivors' stories are just as interesting as mine. Why are we so concerned with what others are doing? The more that we occupy our minds with what someone else is doing, the more we are wasting our own lives and missing out on opportunities that are present and waiting for us. Yes, other survivors' stories do matter and are very important. The fact is that many survivors are still hesitant and not ready to share their stories with the world. You cannot force someone to share their story with you and you can't put their stories on display for the world to see if the person is not comfortable with it. That is a personal decision and choice that we have no right to pressure someone into making. We violate their privacy when we display their stories that they tell us in confidentiality. Lifestyles are not something that you can just put on display and say, "Hey look at this. Can you believe this happened?"

Most survivors I have talked to are not at that point yet where they are ready to expose the truth about their past to the world. I respect and understand that. I'm not going to sit here and make my life look all glamorous and tell my fellow survivors that life is so much easier now that I am away from the abuse. On the contrary, my life is plagued with flashbacks, anxiety attacks, and nightmares. I'll be the first to tell you that I go through depression and have those down days. Sure, we're survivors but that doesn't mean we are invincible. We still have fragile parts inside that are healing and we have emotions that come out in the form of tears that help us to release all those locked up feelings stored away. People are clearly mistaken if they honestly believe that our lives are easy and we should be strong enough to just get over everything in our past and forget it for good. If we put on this act that our lives are so easy then we are betraying who we really are and what we stand for. The only way to help stop abuse and prevent future generations from going through what we did is if we expose the truth and show it for what it is. The more that being a survivor is made into a fad and trend, the more that people help others only hoping to profit from it, the more people only care about the fame and popularity and what they can gain from all this, the more they want to put on this act and display as they hope to steal the spotlight all the time, then the more silenced victims and survivors will continue to suffer because of someone else's greed. Think about it. Is it worth sacrificing more lives just so you can have that moment of fame? Because if so, you are not better than the abuser who hurt you.

Being a survivor is a way of life. It is not easy, it is not pretty, and it certainly is not glitter and glam. Yes, we have the strength to overcome things in our lives, but that doesn't mean that we just quit fighting and take our lives for granted. There are those victims who never make it out alive and never get the chance to escape their situations and live a life of freedom like we do. There are children who never get the opportunity to grow up and become adults; they never get to see all their dreams come true. There are women who never know what love is and never will because they die at the hands of their abusive husbands. This is reality. There are those who suffer from PTSD, those who are bipolar, those who self inflict to release the emotional pain they feel inside, those who starve themselves because they think they are not beautiful enough, those who have anxiety and panic attacks, those who are multiple personality disorder, those who have borderline personality, this is the reality of life. No, it is not our fault that we go through these things. None of us asks to have to deal with these things after we are on our own, rebuilding our lives after the abuse. I know that I didn't ask to go through the anxiety attacks, the self infliction, the feelings of hating myself as I blamed myself for everything, the insecurities that are still with me, the flashbacks I get when something triggers me. But it is who I am and I'm not going to hide it and act as if I'm this invincible survivor who has completely healed and gotten over my past. I want people to know the truth and I want them to see what it is like in the life of a survivor.

They need to see it for what it is because they are not aware of what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe if they saw the real truth and if the blinders were removed from their eyes, we could get more people joining in this fight to help save those innocent souls still trapped in darkness. Maybe then children would be able to grow up in safer environments and loving homes. Maybe women wouldn't have to suffer beatings from their husbands who made the vows to protect them and cherish them till death do us part. Maybe male survivors and victims wouldn't be afraid to come forward and talk about the abuse they've gone through due to society putting the pressure on them to always be the tough ones and to just shrug it off and pretend it never happened. But none of this will ever occur in our lifetime if we are too caught up in comparing notes and "checking up" on each other to see who is doing what. It's time that we start telling the truth as it is and not covering it up which is only helping those who want it to be concealed. It's time that what we went through is revealed and it's time that we let the world know what exactly it is that we endured without sugarcoating it or making it look all glamorous. We need to expose what the real life of a survivor is like or else people will continue to dwell in the darkness of ignorance. So let's stand together, put aside differences, care more about working behind the scenes to make a difference instead of being in the spotlight and selling out to the crowd, and get down to the heart of the matter which is saving victims and ensuring they don't go through what we did.