Expressing Emotions: Everybody Needs Somebody

If there's one thing I really struggle with, it is opening up to people and trusting people. Writing has always been my outlet to releasing my feelings and emotions that I have kept locked inside for years. With writing, I find it easy to just put pen to paper and write away, letting my thoughts pour out on the page. Even when I was younger, it was writing that helped me to get through some of the dark times. When it comes to actually expressing my emotions to a friend, though, or even to a complete stranger, it is so difficult for me to do.

When I was younger, I had no one there to talk to about what I went through. My dad threatened me into silence by saying he would turn me over to the police for my suicidal attempts and for my self infliction. It is pretty sad that he knew about that but wouldn't get me help. Instead, he used that against me to keep me silent and not tell anyone about the abuse going on. When I was in 8th grade, I decided one day that I would tell someone about the events going on. My grades were slipping because of everything going on and my performance at school was going downhill. I was even hanging out with the wrong crowd. But I decided I would take the chance to tell one of the school counselors about it. I made an appointment to go down to the office and then I just told the counselor what was going on. I thought it would be kept confidential, but it somehow got back to my father and that made things worse. After that incident, I just kept to myself and pretended everything was fine. I never again let on that anything was wrong at home.

Many times I would run away and be gone for hours at a time, even staying out after it turned dark. I didn't want to go back home. My dad always said crying was a sign of weakness so any tears I had, I learned to hold them back. In his presence, I was not allowed to show any emotion at all. When I was forced to go see psychologists, I wouldn't open up to them either. I went through years not saying anything or expressing my emotions. I never cried in front of my friends, either. Even in my relationships, I found it hard to talk about my past. I figured that if a guy knew about my past, he would want nothing to do with me. Well, I didn't tell my ex about the abuse I went through or the self infliction problem I had at one time until after we got married. He couldn't handle any of it. He said if he had known about that before, he wouldn't have ever married me. If I tried to express my emotions to him and tell him what was going on, his reply was that he was not my shrink and to not come to him with any of my problems. Your spouse should be the one person you know you can go to about things. But he shut me out. So I kept distant.

Once again, I found myself putting up walls around my heart. People would say they wanted to be there for me, but when I would go to them for help and try to vent, their reaction was always you're strong, you'll get through this. So it's as if they never truly wanted to be there for me; they only wanted me to be there for them during their hard times. I became a listener, I became the one strong for everyone, I became the shoulder to cry on, that was my role. At the same time, I knew I needed someone who would be there for me. But not having anyone there for me, I learned not to expect anyone to come along and save me since I was so use to doing things on my own. Everyone viewed me as the hero, the one who would save them, the one who held all the answers. Being a leader, I knew I held a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. So in private I would cry and let out my emotions.

I am learning though that there are people I can let in and that there really are those who care about me and what I go through. Still, because I was never shown love or care in my family, it is hard for me sometimes to take that step to talk about how I feel. A part of me thinks that nobody wants to listen to my problems and that I will burden them with my issues. People expect a lot out of me, it's true. But I want people to know that I am human just like them and that I do have an emotional side. It doesn't always help me when they tell me I am strong and will get through it. I know I am a strong person; if I wasn't strong, I wouldn't be here today. But sometimes, I need to vent and need to release my feelings. I need to know that someone is there for me. I don't mean to shut people out either who really do want to be there for me. It's just when I've had people walk out on me my whole life, I tend to think okay, maybe it's easier to just keep people at a distance. I don't get depressed or down all the time. It's just there are moments that I need to cry and need to get things off my mind.

Everyone needs someone to be there for them. It is unhealthy to keep everything locked inside. By keeping it all locked inside, it just tears you up more. When you don't talk about your feelings and express your emotions, you find yourself getting depressed and feeling that there is nobody out there who understands or cares. When we have gone through abuse in our lives, it is normal for us to have trust issues since usually it's the people who should have been there for us who hurt us the most. But, there are some good people out there who do understand and who do want to be there for you. You just have to know who to trust and let in.

I think writing is a good way to get your feelings out, but I also think it is very helpful to have one person that you can count on to be there when you need to talk. Make sure it is someone that you feel comfortable enough to tell about things you are going through or went through and make sure that they are the type of person who will not judge you or accuse you of anything. I'm not saying that you have to tell the whole world your story and put it in a book or anything. I know that when it comes to my life, I am an open book since I do write about my past experiences and have my story out in books for people to read. You do not have to tell the whole world though. Just have at least one person there that you can confide in and that will be there for you when you need to express your emotions. I think it's important that when someone comes to you and needs to talk, that instead of turning them away, take the time to listen.

See, people need someone there to listen to them. That's what they are looking for. They want to know that others understand what they are going through so they know they are not alone in this world. Emotions are a part of who we are. If we did not have emotions, then we would be more like robots. Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't have emotions or make you feel that you are not allowed to show them. You have every right to express your feelings and emotions. If someone comes to you needing to talk, take the time to listen. You never know what they are going through and how you can make a difference and help them just by being there to lend a listening ear.

If you know someone is going through a hard time, ask them how they're doing. Too many lives are lost because people give up since they feel that nobody cares about them. They lock their emotions inside and it tears them apart. Let the person know that you do care and that you are there for them. That's what true friends are for. True friends are there for each other no matter what. Even the people that you think have such good lives need someone to talk to. They go through hard times too. We all need someone to talk to because we can't do this all alone. It is hard fighting all alone on life's battlefield. We need other warriors to be there to fight alongside us.

Don't ignore a person who comes to you asking for help. Don't tell them that they are strong and will get through it, don't tell them to suck it up, don't tell them to be happy. Let me just say this right now, those things are not always what people need to hear when they just want to vent and express their feelings. What they need is for you to hear them out and really listen to them. What they need is a shoulder to cry on and a hug. I know there are times where I really feel that I need a hug and a shoulder to cry on. There are times where I really don't want to hear that I'm strong and will get through it or to be happy. Because gosh darn it, sometimes I just need to cry! Sometimes people need to just cry and let it out. It is better to cry and let it out then to hold it back.

Little things you can do when someone needs to talk and release their emotions or when you know they are going through a hard time are to call them up, write them an encouraging note, go visit them, do something nice and thoughtful for them. When you're the one needing to talk, let someone know. Pick a close friend and call them, text them, meet them somewhere, find a way to let them know that you need them and that you need to get things out. If they are a true friend, then they will stop what they are doing and find time for you. You could even create your own system with your friends to let them know when you need to talk. Be accountable to each other. One of the things that helped me overcome self infliction and not do it anymore is that I would pick a close friend and any time I felt the urge, I would call them. I would be accountable to them. So create a system if you need to.

It is ok to express emotions and to just talk about it. Crying is not a sign of weakness. In fact, I think it shows that you are strong when you can release your emotions and cry. You don't have to fight alone in life. Hey, if someone can't handle your emotional side that is a part of you, then they don't deserve you and they are not worth your time because true friends understand that their friends need them to be there for them not only through the good times but also through the bad times. There are friends aka angels that will be there for you no matter what. So don't be afraid to express your emotions and release your feelings. It makes you feel better when you talk about things. Be there for others just like they are there for you and don't be afraid to let someone be there for you, either. Like Keith Urban's song Everybody says, "Everybody needs somebody sometimes."