Healing From The Past: We All Have A Story To Tell

They say that time heals all wounds. Exactly how much time it takes however depends on the person and what they have gone through and are facing in their lives. I can't even begin to count how many times people have told me that I should just get over my past and forget about what happened. I've had some people tell me that I need to just let it go and move on. I've had people attempt to analyze me and my life through my writings as well while they state the obvious by saying, "Oh I can see there's so much pain there. I can see that you are still hurting."

What people fail to understand and realize is that each person heals differently. When we have gone through abuse in our lives, we don't just forget those memories. They are with us to stay and unless you were to get your memory erased, there is no way to block those images out. Those memories, whether we like them or not, are a part of our history. No, we don't have to repeat that history, but as far as being able to block it out for good, that's very difficult to do. It's easy for people to say to just get over it when they weren't the ones who went through the abuse that we did. We're going to hurt over things that we went through; how could we not hurt over the pain we endured and suffered? The after effects of abuse leave wounds and scars behind.

When it comes to healing, we have to heal in our own time. You cannot tell someone how they should heal or when they should heal because we are all different. Yes, we are all survivors in life. Our situations though were not the same. No survivor's story is exactly the same as another survivor's story. Being survivors brings us together, but you cannot compare stories. Every situation that we were in is different. I know there are times that I hear someone else's story and I think that I did not have it nearly as bad as they did. Then I feel that my story pales in comparison to theirs. That's the problem right there though. Comparison is a problem. When we focus on comparing our stories with each other, acting like we had it worse then someone else and even telling others we had it worse, it becomes more of a competition. I have had people write me and say oh my situation was worse then yours, or I had it worse than you. Maybe they did have it worse than me because I know that somewhere out there, others have had it worse than I have. That's not the point however. When we were going through the abuse, we were not thinking at the time about who had it worse than we did. Our minds were on the pain we were feeling, not on what others were dealing with. Obviously, we focused on our own lives and how to get out alive and survive the nightmares we found ourselves in.

I know there are people who try to compare forms of abuse. Again, you cannnot compare forms of abuse just like you cannot compare stories. Every form of abuse, whether physical, emotional, pyschological, sexual, etc. is damaging and does leave wounds and scars. Abuse is abuse. There is no way you can compare the types of abuse there are. Some people claim that verbal and emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. How can you say that though if you have only experienced one kind of abuse and have not gone through another type of abuse? Everyone who has been abused is affected by it. Because of the after-effects, we have to allow ourselves to heal. No, healing is not going to happen right away. It is a journey that we embark on in our lives.

For some, healing comes sooner. For others, it may take a lifetime to heal. Honestly, I think that we will always find ourselves healing from something, whether it be from our past or something we are going through now. Healing is a part of life. I moved out of my house at the age of 17. So I would consider myself still in the early stages of healing. Really, it's been about 2 years since I began speaking out and really sharing my story with others. I started writing, really writing and opening up through my writing when I was 21. Just because I moved out at a young age does not mean that I started healing right away. I kept many things locked inside still and was afraid to talk about it or let anyone know the truth about my past.

I began writing and speaking out because I wanted to make a difference. I want people to know how damaging abuse is and the scars that it leaves on its victims. I am not a victim anymore since I broke my silence and broke the chains of my past. But I know all too well what it feels like to live trapped in silence, to be brainwashed every single day, to live in fear wondering when the abuser is going to strike again. I went through emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. I was even molested when I was younger so I guess you could say I've gone through some of the different forms of abuse. I tried to block out things that happened though. I am just now looking back, examining my life, and seeing events that happened in my life that I wasn't even aware of. I think that I was so used to being around abuse all the time that it got to the point where I just accepted it and thought nothing of it.

Now, as a survivor, I am able to see that I should not have to put up with abuse and that no it is not acceptable ever. People don't realize how many survivors and victims there are out there. They are everywhere. People you pass by on the street, people you work with, friends that you know, even family members go through abuse but you may not know it because they hide it so well and never tell anyone. Speaking out is not an easy thing for survivors and victims to do. Society ignores the abuse that goes on and because light is not shed on the truth and it goes unrevealed, those who haven't endured or suffered abuse are not aware of it. The ones that are aware of it find it hard to acknowledge or even believe that someone could possibly hurt another person in that way. As sad as it is, there are people out there who do hurt others, whether physically or emotionally. Abuse is real and the effects are felt by those innocent lives who have suffered through it and are forced to deal with it on their own.

I wish I would have had someone back then that I could have talked to. I wish I would have found a way out sooner and I wish I wouldn't have been afraid to go forward with my story. Instead, I found myself threatened by my abusers and the brainwash they put me through kept me silent. Even now, I am still healing from the brainwashing I was put through. It's not something I can just block out. I'll admit that there are things in life that sometimes trigger a memory from my past; I have gone through anxiety attacks and I have gone through self infliction. Those are just some of the damaging after effects I have suffered because of the abuse I went through. It's not easy to tell people about that either. People can be very judgmental and look at us as if we are freaks because we go through those things.

You're not a freak though. You are a very beautiful person who has survived so much. Your scars are a testimony to your survival. Don't ever feel that you are not normal since you may go through self infliction or anxiety attacks, etc. I felt that way for a long time and it's taken me awhile to finally learn to love myself again and tell myself that hey, the things I go through do not make me worthless or different from others. I'm still a human being like everyone else. I still have feelings too. If anything, as survivors, we have had to work a little bit harder and fight a little bit longer to get to where we are today. I know I have more healing to do but I am glad that I am finding out these things about myself now instead of later on in life.

We all have stories to tell. No one's story is more important than someone else's story. It's okay if you are not ready to speak out about what you have gone through. Healing and speaking out are things that you cannot rush. You have to wait for when you are ready before taking those steps. Disregard those who just want to analyze you, judge you, and pick you apart. You are the only one who knows you and knows what is best for you. You're the only one who was in that situation back then; none of these other people were there when you were being abused so they cannot tell you how you should heal and deal. Your story is as important as anyone else's. Your healing process will take as long as you need it to take and that is just fine. Don't rush it. Take all the time you need. When you are ready, then take that step to sharing your story with the world. But first, make sure that you have allowed yourself time to heal and only when you feel up to it and feel ready to take that next step, then take the next step in your healing process. We are all healing from something but as survivors, since we can relate to one another, we can lean on each other, fight beside one another, and help each other through those hard times.